A ludicris love story between Vernon and Petunia
by ArtanisZertul
Summary: This isnt the whole title, in fact i had to mutate it to fit into the little box. Well, this is our first shot at an HP fic. A little funny, mostly a twisted sence of humor. Please R&R, or We arent gonna post the next part! We think this is the first


****

A Weird, Demented, Twisted, Screwy, and Ludicrous Romance Story Between Vernon Dursley and Petunia (Enter last name here)

By Artanis

A/N: Artanis: Hah! In your face Zeratul! Now I'm writing this fic! Who's better now? Zeratul: I am you dimwit! Artanis: Why you little!

::scuffle sounds can be heard:: ::Artanis and Zeratul come out in pain::

Zeratul: How about we just skip to the disclaimer? Artanis: Okily dokily.

A/D (Annoying Disclaimer): Like always, Vernon Dursley, Petunia (enter last name here), Tom Riddle, and all the rest do not belong to us, they belong to the magnificent Joanne K. Rowling, Scholastic Press, and Bloomsbury (I think) Publishing Co. We own Alan Riddle and Alvin Jordan.

A/N again: Zeratul: As always, BRING ON THE FLAMES! Artanis: BTW, I'm gonna make a cameo appearance in this fic!

****

Note: It was January 2nd, 1958. The day Lily (enter last name here) went to back to Hogwarts after winter break. It was also the day when Alan Riddle went back to Hogwarts. It was also the day when two Star Crossed lovers would meet at platform 9 ¾. Vernon Riddle, later changed to Vernon Dursley and Petunia (enter last name here). Here they would fall for each other, or should I say, into each other. 

Petunia (enter last name here) was walking around Kings Cross station waiting for her parents to come out from sending her bratty little sister of to a wizards school. Little did she know, she would be meeting her lover here. While she was walking around, she accidentally tripped and get her head stuck in Vernon Riddle's stomach.

::muffled:: "AHHHHH! My head is stuck in this thing!"

"Ohh, I'm sorry! I didn't see you there. But I can't see my feet because of my stomach, so I kind of expect that. Can I make that up to you by buying you a hamburger?" (So that way I can show down 20 hamburgers and still have an excuse!) 

(A/N I know that this is way OOC, and I don't care! It's my fic, my rules!)

"Ok, but can you please help me get my head out first? I'm kinda stuck here." 

__

Let's skip to an hour later at McDonalds, shall we? Wait, are there MaDonalds in England?

"Thanks so much for this. I haven't had this much fun in a long time. Want to do this again sometime? Here's my number. Call me! (Yeah, like anyone would want to!)

"Thanks. I'll call you later today!

They walked back to the platform and waited for their parents for an hour. They got home. 

__

Let's skip to Hogwarts for a minute, shall we? 

"Now it's time for the highly awaited Quidditch match, Slytherin vs. Griffindor!" Alvin Jordan commented.

"Here are the Slytherins! Their star player, Alan Riddle, Seeker, is already warming up on the field! And there are the Griffindors! Captain Potter, Black, Chan, Fu(me!), Roan, Kamiya, and Taikashi! And their off!"

A vortex open above the Quidditch Pitch and a scout (that's a space ship that looks like a plane from starcraft) piloted by Artanis (here's my cameo!) comes out.

"En Taro Adun James Potter. I am here to get rid of the one that you call Alan Riddle, who is actually a Zerg spy working for Kerrigan! Where is he?"

"Right over there, on that silver arrow."

"Thank you."

I fly over to Alan.

"For Auir!"

I use my anti-matter missiles and blow up him and his broom.

"Damn! I wanted that broom!"

"Sorry, here have a few Galleons. My gift to you," I said to James.

__

Back to Petunia after the school year is over

"EEKKKKKKK! Get that biting teacup away from me!"

"Don't worry, my love! I, Vernon Riddle, shall save you! Ouch! That thing bit me!"

"Finite Incatatem! There, the spell wore off."

__

Ding Dong!

"That must be the package I ordered from Quality Quidditch Supplies!"

When Lily answered the door, she didn't find anything. She quickly closed the door again.

__

Under the guest bed (the legs of the bed are 3 feet tall) at 5 in the morning

"Dammit Moony! You are crushing my foot!" Padfoot swore. (I my self am wondering how they all fit down there with Vernon on top of them!)

"We need something to eat! Got any ideas, you two?" Prongs said.

"Go to the kitchen and steal some food you dumb arse!"

"Good idea. All of us are going, of course."

They crept down to the kitchen, only to find Petunia and Vernon making out on the table! (Oh no! God help us all!)

Suddenly the _good_ three of the Marauders heard a very loud crack.

"Oh my god! Honey, you broke the table!"

As Petunia walked around trying to find something to fix the table with, she accidentally stepped on the end of the cloak! 

"EKKKKKKKKKK" she screamed.

Just then, Lily and her parents came down the stairs…

A/N: Artanis: Ah hah! My first cliffhanger! The next part won't be coming out for a while, since I have a great idea for another Digimon fic. Zeratul: If anyone reads Digiromances, try ours! Paarrta-Taiora and Paarrta-Mimato. I don't know if you can call them good, but try them. Artanis: BTW, REVIEW!!!! In fact, you might even get SPECIAL THANKS in the next one if you review, hmmmm? Zeratul: And, as always, BRING ON THE FLAMES! 

REVIEW!

l l

l l

l l

l l

V


End file.
